Dysfunctional Ever After |

IKEA KIVIK Sectional: Four Year Review

Four Years in the Life of an IKEA KIVIK Sectional

The last time I reviewed our IKEA KIVIK Sectional, it was just a year old! We had me, my husband, our dog, and a new baby. Now? Oh, this couch has seen it all. It’s still me, still my husband, still our dog, and still our baby. But our dog has gained pandemic weight, our baby is no longer a baby but instead a four year old who eats, drinks, colors, and plays with play-doh! Oh, and we have another baby crawling and eating all over this couch.

So, it’s seen all the wear it saw the first year and more. Especially after a year and a half of working from home with kids. It’s seen… a lot.

Before I even start this review, I am going to get a bit sentimental and say I am so thankful for this dang couch. It is a central hub for our family, where we watch tv, movies, play video games, play board games, etc. It’s where I’m writing this blog post right now. With that being said, we can love things that are worn and need replacement sometimes, is that the case with the IKEA KIVIK Sectional after four years of wear?

Holding Shape (8 Points)

In 2018 here was my review of the IKEA KIVIK Sectionals ability to hold its shape:

Holding shape is the one area that the KIVIK loses points. Because of how we slunk into the couch, the back pillows kind of end up looking slouchy with the seams sinking in towards the couch rather than being at the top of the pillow. One way I fix this is by flipping the pillows every time it gets like this and kind of smooshing the pillow around. I do this with each pillow about once every few weeks.

The other issue with shape is the corner seat cushion. You can clearly tell that that is the preferred spot to sit for both Ryan and myself, because it’s sunk in a little bit! Again, one way to counter this is to flip it over and massage the cushion for a while while whispering nice, encouraging words into it.

I think this is still right, although looking back, I was surprised that I wrote it. It honestly doesn’t bother me one bit. I still flip the pillows around regularly, and move the cushions back and forth. After, again, a year and a half of basically not leaving our house and living on this couch – I will let you determine if the picture below appears any different than it did three years ago.

Because I am not bothered or phased by how the cushions have aged, I’m actually giving the IKEA KIVIK Sectional an 8/10 for holding shape, an extra point from three years ago.

Ikea KIVIK Sectional after four years of wear.

Comfort (8 Points)

In 2018 I wrote:

The comfort of the KIVIK has not changed since the day we bought it. It might even be just slightly comfier, actually.

Again, I stand by this. This remains the case. And although we purchased this couch because of how firm the cushions are (one side is firmer than the other, you can flip the seated cushion to be softer if you’d like!) I do think I’m leaning towards desiring a bit comfier of a couch. But that’s my own personal preference right now – nothing against the KIVIK. The firmness is definitely preferred for my children and my dog. There’s no getting lost in the cushions, and the cushions are wide enough and firm enough to act as a mattress for family movie nights – especially if you bring the ottoman in.

Material (10 Points)

2018 IKEA KIVIK Review:

First, the color we have is Orrsta Light Gray. It’s the perfect color for our living room. The gray is both light enough to keep a space from feeling too crowded, and dark enough to conceal small stains here and there. So I acknowledge that the color could have a lot to do with why I gave it 10 points.

No material, no matter what it says, is totally stain resistant. That includes the KIVIK. But it’s damn close. After a year of daily use by me (a self identified sloppapotomus), my husband, and our dog, and I only know of just a few very small imperfections. One of those is actually on the matching ottoman, and is because I spilled Temen’s medicine on it. But there has been (warning: TMI) food, drink, urine, vomit, and poop on this couch that we have washed out successfully. All of the cushion covers, the seats and the backs, are removable so you can wash them. Holler.

Even with the cushions being removable, we’ve only washed them like twice. That’s because most things can be easily removed from this sturdy material with a damp cloth or wet sponge. (No, seriously, I spilled salsa all over today and it all came out with a damp cloth and dab of dish soap.) Plus, you don’t want to wash it too much and wear the fabric out. But if you do, IKEA sells additional covers so you’re covered!

2021 IKEA KIVIK Review:

My update is this: We have one sharpie stain on one of the cushions, but considering all of the markers that this couch has seen, it doesn’t bother me. I actually think if I tried hard enough I could get it out. Ask, believe, receive, ya know? I was going to deduct a point for that stain, but then I remembered something I didn’t mention in 2018: Pet hair.

Our dog has short hair and sheds… a lot. And after going through a few pieces of furniture with her, I can safely say that a lot of woven materials we’ve encountered act as little dog hair traps. No matter how much you vacuum them, scrub them, the hair is embedded in their fabric. That is NOT the case with the KIVIK. So, I’m keeping her at 10/10 for material yet again.

Overall Score After Four Years: 8.7

Four years later, and I have no regrets getting this couch. It’s big, with room for the whole family, and the shape and material hold up better than I ever expected. Comfort is the only thing that I feel like mentioning again – maybe it’s because I’m getting older, or because I’ve spent just SO MUCH time on this couch, but I feel like in this season of my life I could stand to have a comfier couch. I’m not couch shopping or anything – but make sure you know your preferences when shopping for the KIVIK, because it is a really firm couch.

Normalize Safe Bed-sharing

family, motherhood

Hey! This is long love story about safe co-sleeping/bed-sharing, so buckle up or take a jump:

What is co-sleeping?
Why do we co-sleep? What are the benefits?
How can you co-sleep safely?

What is co-sleeping?

We co-sleep. We co-sleep hard.

But what does that mean? For me, and for our purposes today, it means bed-sharing. It’s important to note that co-sleeping can mean different things to different people, though. Some people might use this word interchangeably with room-sharing instead, and some people use it when describing the (very dangerous) practice of falling asleep on a couch or chair with your baby. To be clear, I mean bed-sharing. I share a bed with my baby. It is awesome. And I do it safely.

safe bedsharing

And so do a lot of moms out there! At any given moment, 44% of babies are co-sleeping in America, and that number is significantly higher in other countries. Social media has taught me many things, but one thing it’s taught me is that a lot of moms are secretly breaking the so-called sleep “rules” in order to avoid the mom-shaming. Moms do this with so many things, but in an effort to protect themselves and their hearts, they’re just encouraging the stigma of whatever decision they’ve made for their family. Their silence perpetuates the shame. It’s silly! Every other mammal and primate co-sleeps, and when we dismiss co-sleeping as dangerous we’re losing out on some real benefits (see below), and disregarding the fact that it isn’t co-sleeping that’s dangerous, but the conditions under which co-sleeping happens. We need to normalize safe bed-sharing.

Why do we co-sleep?: The Benefits of Safe Bed-Sharing

Before I had my first daughter, I was convinced I would never co-sleep. I knew the rules. Place baby on his or her back, on a firm surface, alone, without any stuffed animals, blankets, or crib bumpers. Absolutely no co-sleeping whatsoever. Room share until baby is a year ideally, but at least six months. Those were the rules. There was no such thing as safe bed-sharing. To be honest, I judged people who co-slept. I thought they were thoughtless, reckless, and maybe even a little selfish. Either that or they were uninformed, dumb even. (Hey, I’m being honest!)

Then I had a baby.

We had a bassinet and she slept in it a few times, but I started falling asleep with her in bed in the middle of the night while I nursed.

The first time it happened, I woke up in a panic. I had surely killed my baby. After realizing that she was alive and well, comfortable in her mother’s arms, I was relieved but felt a crushing sense of guilt.

I vowed it would never happen again.

Until it did.

And this time I felt even worse! Physically, it was amazing. We were both getting better sleep, she was nursing all she wanted, she was comfortable and safe. Emotionally, I wanted to light something on fire for how reckless I had been.

safe bedsharing baby

It wasn’t even the fact that I would fall asleep while nursing her, it was also that she wouldn’t fall asleep anywhere else after that. She needed me, her mother, her safe space, the person who carried her for nine months. She needed me near her.

I turned to the internet to help me, as one does. I knew I couldn’t be the only one going through this. What I found was comforting, and terrifying.

First, I learned that unintentionally falling asleep with your baby is one of the most dangerous things you can do. Even more dangerous if you fall asleep with your baby on a couch or in a chair – those things, those things actually are very dangerous.

Second, I learned that carefully and intentionally planning for co-sleeping made co-sleeping … safe. Even beneficial. Even somewhat protective against the very thing I was terrified of: SIDS.

Here are some articles and links that helped me make the best, most informed, decision for our family when it comes to bed-sharing:

“Bed-share infants without known risk factors for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) experience increased maternal touching and looking, increased breastfeeding, and faster and more frequent maternal responses.” SOURCE (In this study, mothers checked on their children more than double the amount of times those who slept separately.)
“Arousals associated with bed sharing might be protective to infants at risk for SIDS because of a hypothesized arousal deficit. The responsivity of the mother to infant arousals during bed sharing might also be protective.” SOURCE
Bed-sharing while breastfeeding results in more night sleep for the mother and baby. SOURCE
This study summarized various studies outlining the risks and benefits of bed-sharing, and pointed out shortcomings of various studies. Namely, it identifies the real issue with some studies that point to bed-sharing as problematic, stating that “It is extremely difficult to draw conclusions from these reports because they were, more often than not, intended to generate, rather than test, hypotheses”. It also found that because of this, there’s yet to be any evidence that convincingly establishes an association between bed-sharing and SIDS for nonsmoking mothers. And it points out that this study found a decreased association between bed sharing and SIDS for mothers who initiated breastfeeding at birth.
Bed-sharing mothers tend to nurse longer than mothers who sleep separately from their child. (And we know that not only does nursing provide antibodies vital for baby’s immune response to illnesses, but also decreases the likelihood of breast cancer for the mother. The easier, the better!)

So, I took my intuition and everything I had learned and I talked to my husband. We were going to plan to have our baby sleep with us every night. Every night he should expect the baby to be in the bed at some point. Every night we should arrange our pillows and blankets accordingly, every night we would plan to make the bed safe for the baby.

And we did that for ten months before she was ready to be night weaned.

It was glorious.

We experienced less nighttime crying, it was easier for me to meet her needs overnight, it facilitated bonding (a real biological response to one another!), my milk supply was maintained, and I got all the baby cuddles in the world.

Again, for us, it was glorious. It was so special and so wonderful for us as a family, we’re doing it again with our second daughter.

Safe Bedsharing Time in Bed

How can you make co-sleeping safe?

Like I said earlier, co-sleeping isn’t inherently unsafe. How you co-sleep makes all the difference. Sleeping on a couch or chair? Absolutely not safe. Sleeping with blankets and pillows? Unsafe. Smoking? Unsafe. Not nursing? Not as safe. Taking medications that alter your arousal response? Not safe. Drinking? Not safe.

So how can we make bed-sharing safe? How can we do it right? This is not an exhaustive list, or medical advice by any means, but a pretty solid starting point:

Plan on it. Discuss it with your partner, make sure you both are on the same page and make the proper arrangements each night.
Don’t smoke. Don’t drink. Don’t do drugs. Be boring, ladies. It saves lives.
Remove unnecessary blankets and pillows, and keep the blankets well away from your baby’s face. I keep one pillow under my head, but I keep my head on the edge so even if by some miracle she scooted up without me noticing, she wouldn’t be on the pillow. Blankets stay at my waist when I’m holding her.
Mind the gaps. Pay attention to any gaps your bed may have between the headboard and the mattress, or walls. Baby should be far, far away from them, but pack them closed anyways.
Breastfeed. This isn’t a statement on formula versus breastfeeding in general, but bed-sharing specifically, and in this situation breastfeeding is best. Babies tend to stay faced towards the breast, and stay on the breast, which means less wiggling up and away and a more responsive mother.
Keep it light. Don’t swaddle the baby, and keep their clothing light. Body heat, y’all. They can’t get too warm.
Baby’s right. Baby should be 37+ weeks and healthy.
Put the phone charger away. No cords should be in the bed.
Keep others out. Keep out other children and pets, it should be you, your baby, and your spouse. That’s it.
Get rest. If you’re too exhausted, you might have delayed responses. This isn’t just normal newborn exhaustion, but like real exhaustion. Real, awful, fall asleep at your desk type of exhaustion – does not make for safe sleep with a baby.
OPTIONAL: Use a co-sleeper. If it tickles your fancy, get a dedicated co-sleeper like a DockATot. We have one and love it! We used it with our first and use it with our second. (We’re full time co-sleepers this time around, so she starts her night in the DockATot and in the middle of the night after her first nursing session sleeps in my arms the rest of the night.)

(For more information about safe bed-sharing, visit La Leche League here.)

It’s not that hard, it’s not that mysterious. It can be safe, if you and your family want to bed-share and are able to take the proper precautions. It’s not for everyone! Not everything is. But despite a lot of moms never intending on bed-sharing, statistics show that majority of them will do it at least once. So be prepared, and be safe about it.

Most of all – be informed, and normalize safe bed-sharing.

xxoo,
Samm

My Pandemic Pregnancy

family, motherhood

Intentions

We had a pandemic pregnancy without intending to have a pandemic pregnancy.

We intended to have a baby, of course, but we didn’t exactly go into it eyes wide open and totally aware of what we were walking into. Because while yes, we intended to have a baby, we also intended to have my husband at appointments. We intended for him to be able to see our baby before the birth. We intended for him to not have to wear a mask at the hospital during delivery. We intended to be able to celebrate the pregnancy with family and friends. We intended to have family and friends be able to see and hold the baby after the birth. We intended to have our daughter meet her sister at the hospital.

We went into this pregnancy unconcerned about a global pandemic. And it thrashed us. Well, me. It thrashed me. It bruised me. It hurt me. And it still does.

Pandemic Pregnancy Tip #1: Let go of any and all expectations. This won’t be what you expected to be, and things change so quickly during this pandemic. Be adaptable. Be resilient.

Impact

This pandemic impacts different people in different ways. I don’t know how they do it, but some people live their lives as if nothing has changed. If “Ignorance is Bliss” was a poster, they would be the models. I wish I could live my life as though this pandemic has not shifted the entire world on its axis. As if hundreds of thousands of people haven’t died, millions of people haven’t lost friends and loved ones, and even more haven’t been hospitalized or deal with lasting effects even after the fact. I wish I could. Not because I want to be selfish, not because I want to be in denial, not because I want to willfully disregard science and medicine. But because the current reality of our world and of our country is a tough pill to swallow sometimes.

But we can’t do that. For our family, we’ve been quarantined pretty well since mid-March. We haven’t been in a Target since then. Or a grocery store. Or really anywhere. Except one time I did go to a Michael’s and I’m here to tell you it was invigorating. R’s gone to Home Depot for project stuff. Masked, hand sanitizer at the ready, in and out for things we need around the house. Other than that we have groceries delivered. I disinfect the groceries because apparently I am a little unstable. During the Spring/Summer/early Fall we had people over outside in our backyard, distanced well enough. And by people I mean really few people, and no more than two at a time really. There was one or two times we had people inside, and if I told you we didn’t worry for the entire week afterwards I would be lying. We both work from home. Kids are home with us. We go on walks and to the playground, but miss our playdates. I don’t say this to preach, but to illustrate how quarantined we have been.

So when I got pregnant, no, we didn’t know this would be our life. Our normal. I can’t say I would have made the same decision had I known. But I probably would have. I just wasn’t emotionally prepared for how hard it would be.

Pandemic Pregnancy Tip #2: Follow the advice of people who know more than you do. Be alert, be careful, but remain hopeful. This pandemic might impact you more or less than others, regularly check in with yourself and your husband to see where you both are at.

Invisible

When I was first pregnant, I can’t tell you how excited I was. Given my issues in the past, I got pregnant pretty quickly and without any real medical intervention besides Metformin and Provera, and a lot of prayers cried at church and written in my Bible. It was really, really cool. But as the story goes, I didn’t tell many people at first. I wanted to wait until it was “safe”. (I still think this is complete B.S. so I don’t know why I waited.)

Right when it was safe, the pandemic hit. Work closed. We quarantined. And there’s no real good time when everything is in shambles to casually mention you’re pregnant. In the beginning people were glued to their TV screens, it was like a movie. We were all just waiting for the worst. Bracing for impact. There was no sensitive or respectful way to bring up that I was pregnant. So I didn’t.

My direct boss’s knew I was pregnant but majority of the office did not until I had to tell them I was going on maternity leave. I mention this because in an odd way, a lot of the pregnancy questions and celebration comes from work. The people I see and go to battle with every day. There was none of that this pregnancy. The child growing inside of me seemed invisible.

I didn’t see friends. I didn’t see anyone at work. It was me and R celebrating the baby alone. No one to ask how I was feeling, no one to ask about movement, no one to tell not to touch my belly, no one to tell me how I looked, no one to tell me their anecdotal stories about their pregnancies. No knowing smiles at the grocery stores. Strangers didn’t ask me how far along or if it was a boy or a girl. The pregnancy went on without most people knowing or caring.

And it feels weird to say that.

It feels weird to admit that I wanted people to know and I wanted people to care. That I didn’t want the world to just continue as if I wasn’t pregnant. But it’s true. I wanted people to know and I wanted people to care, because I did. I cared. It’s not like I was the first pregnant woman to exist on this Earth, it’s not like the world revolves around me, nothing should stop for me, but dang if I didn’t want just a little bit of that.

I didn’t have a shower for my first, but didn’t even have the option of a sprinkle for my second. No sip and see. None of that.

And it was a grieving process, it still is. This pandemic is nothing but perpetual grief for many people, and this was mine. The worst part is there is no one person I can blame it on, it just is what it is. In a strange way, it makes it worse. I wish I could just sit and stew hating someone for what they’ve done, and not accept that this is just life now. But I can’t.

Pandemic Pregnancy #3: Tell people you’re pregnant. Mention it to them regularly. They aren’t seeing you, so there is no natural way for them to mention it. It’s important to you and it’s okay for you to want to talk about it. Find ways to celebrate each milestone with your husband or family, you deserve it.

Isolation

The hardest thing for me was the anatomy scan. The twenty week scan most known for showing if you’re having a boy or a girl. That’s just a bonus though, the real purpose of the anatomy scan is to see if anything is potentially wrong with the baby. They check for heart defects, make sure the brain is developing normally, limbs, kidneys, bladder, stomach, all of it.

I went alone. I went alone in a mask, with my doctors and nurses in masks. Just like every other appointment.

I don’t think I was worried about heart defects. I wasn’t particularly concerned about the anatomy scan discovering terribly terminal things. I was scared out of my wits that we would find her kidneys were dilated, though. Like, unbearably anxious. I knew that it was something R was worried about. It was what made him hesitant to have another baby to begin with. Our urologist told us it was very unlikely to happen again, my doctor echoed those sentiments, but I felt an immense pressure to make sure it didn’t. I felt pressure, but I was also terrified myself. What if we had to do it all over again? Who would watch T when we were in the hospital all those nights? Would someone stay home and someone stay in the hospital? I couldn’t bear the thought of it.

But I did, and I did alone behind a mask. Just like the other women in the OB’s waiting room in the middle of their own pandemic pregnancy.

Just like I did with all my non-stress tests and biophysical profiles to make sure she was okay when I had gestational hypertension and gestational diabetes. Just like I did when she failed the NST and I was terrified I’d be induced that day.

And it’s not like he 100% would have been at every appointment if we weren’t in a pandemic. I’ve done this before and I know life happens and people are busy and appointments are quick so why bother. But there was no choice. No discussion. I couldn’t identify important appointments I wanted him to be at, it was just me alone in a room every time. No one to blame.

Pandemic Pregnancy Tip #4: Document everything. I sent pictures of me, of the screens, of the NST print outs, anything I could. If the ultrasound technician will, ask them to print ultrasound pics to share with your family. My technician regularly did 3D scans too, which was incredibly special and I know she was doing to be nice because no one was there with me and we talked about how hard it was.

Imperil

Doing it alone, that was the worst. The thought of somehow contracting COVID – knowing now that pregnant women are more likely to die if they contract it – and leaving my daughter behind? Also awful, but mostly controllable as far as we were concerned. We didn’t even get take out food when I was pregnant except Dairy Queen on Saturday’s a few times and Five Guys once or twice. (Don’t worry, we disinfected the cups and used our own spoons at DQ, and nuked the Five Guys before eating.)

Do we go an extra mile sometimes? Yeah, I’m sure we do. I’m sure 99.99999% of people will be fine not disinfecting their groceries or their fast food cups. But even if we didn’t do these things, everything else would’ve still been the same. Everything would have still been hard. And possibly, even harder if we were one of the unlucky ones that contracted it – or if not doing it just allowed my anxiety to fester, as it likely would.

Not enough attention is given to the toll that living in a near constant state of fear or vigilance puts on women in the midst of a pandemic pregnancy. It’s not just for us – but for our babies, for our families. And it is exhausting. Pregnancy and birth is traumatic enough, but pairing that with a global pandemic where you’re explicitly at more risk because you’re pregnant? Forget about it. It’s awful.

Pandemic Pregnancy Tip #5: Remain vigilant, even when it’s annoying. Even when it’s hard. This is the one thing you can control. At the same time, take care of yourself and your mental health. Be intentional about taking breaks from the pandemic (safely!). Take a bath. Read a book. Eat your favorite dessert in peace. Read your Bible.

Island

I’m going to end this on a positive, though. Because while everything was awful, it could have been worse. Nothing brings you closer as a family as … constantly being together! In an odd way, it feels how it is meant to be. When I was on maternity leave and R was working from home, it felt normal. It felt like that’s how it should be. I was with the girls, taking care of the house, and he was working but close. He didn’t have to wake up early for a commute to work, we have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, and there’s no waiting for him to drive home. My last week we got bagels each morning and ate them in his office while he worked. Now, while I work, it’s the same. I’m able to take time, not just to pump but, to nurse during the day. T can run downstairs and show me something she drew. I don’t miss an hour or more away from them every day just sitting in a car. We can have lunch together as a family. My pandemic pregnancy was incredibly protected by our family island.

Pandemic Pregnancy Tip #6: Enjoy this time as much as you can. It’s a lot of darkness, it’s a lot of pain, but it’s a lot of good. Take advantage of this time with your husband and immediate family. Enjoy each other, enjoy this pregnancy, enjoy life a little slower.

The pandemic is awful, but this time with family I will never regret. We’re our own little island, working with each other 24/7, eating with each other, we’re closer than ever and I am grateful for that.

xxoo,
Samm

IKEA KIVIK Sectional: Four Year Review

Four Years in the Life of an IKEA KIVIK Sectional

Holding Shape (8 Points)

Comfort (8 Points)