I arm wrestled at the bar last night.

Sometimes it’s nice to let loose and forget you have any problems. Like maybe my step dad doesn’t have cancer,  student loans aren’t ripping me a new asshole, and I’m not about to be jobless in a week. Things like that. So last night when my friend David was all “Let’s go play bingo at Liquor Lyle’s”, I was all “YES, LIQUOR  PLEASE.”

The night started off pretty shitty because sometimes David can be a pretty shitty date, but after a some time, and a couple drinks, he seemed to get better. (Either that or I learned how to entertain myself.) Twenty drinks and a plate of nachos later, the drag queen that runs the whole bingo sha-bang came strolling in. Suddenly we were playing bingo and for every number called people shouted something sing-songy. Needless to say, I was a one woman island over in my booth.

Things quickly turned around when I won the first round… along with three other people. And because this isn’t normal bingo, we of course had to fight for the prize. So fight I did. We all had to arm wrestle and I won. (Don’t be so surprised, ladies.) This was the start of my night. 

I had just whooped ass, was feeling high off of my victory, and was ready for more drinks. Before I knew it, drinks were 2 for 1. After a while, David opted to get the heck out of dodge so we could go to his place and “watch a movie”.

Don’t worry, this wasn’t before David embarrassed himself not only once, but twice. The first time he won bingo and had to fight for the prize by doing push ups. He lost the prize (and his dignity). A little later he thought he’d won again, but it was a false bingo and he was forced to sing to everyone on mic. You could   hear his pride just circling the drain — it was music to my ears.

Fast forward to David’s uptown apartment and a fully stocked fridge. I  plop on his floor in front of the open fridge with a bottle of pinot and miniature wheels of cheese. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than in this moment. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long because David keeps harassing me and saying lies like “you’re drunk” “you’re making a mess” “I hate you.” Blah, blah, blah. What a drama queen.

Eventually I sit down to watch some movie about an old man and a robot. It was kind of really horrible, so thankfully Ryan called and said he was on his way to pick me up. Before I know it, David is laughing frantically and locking me outside in the cold to die a slow and painful death. (See what I mean? Shitty date.) Fear not, Prince Charming  Ryan to the rescue.